The Waiting Room
by iccess-america
Summary: This is the ultimate torture divice. I leave my victims (WWE superstars) at the mercy of my secratariesassistance. Their crime? Annoying the crap out of me. Features random guests and regular harrassment by Y2J himself. Oh joy my 5 o'clock's here!
1. Jericho enters the walls of Malevolence

My Muses in: 'The Waiting Room'  
  
Disclaimer: I can't believe I'm doing this but if I owned the WWE would I be writing this? I thought not. And I don't own Eminem, Fozzy, or sadly, NSYNC. I do own a bunch of issues of Teen People but the magazine itself. I do own Adrian, Goddess/Pharaoh of Malevolence owns herself. Trust me on that. By the way I own the Munchkins (they are no longer wizard of oz munchkins but munchkins with blue hair, pink nail polish, and funky looking sunglasses. Freaky? Yes.)  
  
AN:/This is a story I 'm co-writing with Goddess of Malevolence one of my friends. She's changed her penname to Pharaoh of Malevolence but that's too bad because I refer to her as goddess. The flashback isn't that great or significant however, goddess of malevolence might want to read it. Now on to The Waiting Room.  
  
Part 1: Jericho Enters 'The Walls of Malevolence'  
  
The place is the offices of I.A. Empires where Goddess of Malevolence is typing away at the keyboard. Why? We may never know. (Hey, I didn't tell her to type anything!) Eminem is playing in the background. Otherwise, all is quiet until.......Bing! The elevator stops on the 13th floor and out steps everyone's favorite victim.......Chris Jericho! (Mwhahahahaha)  
  
Jericho: [walks over to the desk and clears his throat]  
  
Goddess of Malevolence continues to type.  
  
Jericho: [clears throat again]  
  
Without looking up, Goddess of Malevolence points to a sign on the desk. 'Please use the bell. Thank you'  
  
Jericho: [rings bell]  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: [still typing]  
  
Jericho: [continuously rings bell]  
  
5 minutes later..................................................  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: [stops typing and turns head to the side] Can you be helped?  
  
[Silence]  
  
Jericho: I'm going to ignore that. I need to see Iccess please.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Name?  
  
Jericho: Chris Jericho  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: You're not on the list.  
  
Jericho: What do you mean I'm not on the list? Wait, what list?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: [pushes button on the intercom] Iccess?  
  
Iccess: Yeah?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: I have Chris Jericho here in the Waiting Room (lightning strikes) and he's not on the list.  
  
Iccess: Does he have an appointment?  
  
**flashback** (wow, that's a first everybody!)  
  
Goddess of Malevolence is sitting at her computer typing away at one of her Yu-Gi-Oh fics.  
  
[Phone Rings]  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Hello?  
  
Voice: Yes, I'd like to make an appointment to see Iccess-America for Wednesday at 11:25.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Hold on let me find a pen. Okay shoot, you're wasting my precious time.  
  
Suddenly the elevator stops on the 13th floor and out steps one of the Malevolent one's many husbands, David Blaine (I think that's how you spell it.)  
  
David Blaine: Uh, hi.  
  
Goddess: [Looks up at him in aw)  
  
Blaine: I'm here to see Iccess-America. I don't know why but she called threatening to make my next stunt go horribly wrong if I didn't get here soon.  
  
Goddess: [in a dreamy voice] She's not in her office but I'm free. Could you sign this? [Takes out marriage license that she hides under her desk just in case good fortune smiles upon her]  
  
Blaine: [signs paper without looking] (nobody has ever said that magicians were smart just brave, dumb, frauds) I was looking for a place to eat around here. Do you perhaps know somewhere?  
  
Goddess: [smile on her face] Sure.  
  
So David Blaine and Goddess of Malevolence walk out of the office and to a quaint little café down the street.  
  
Meanwhile..........  
  
Chris Jericho: [On the phone] Hello? Hello? Do you know who I AM?! I'm the freakin' KING OF THE WORLD! (ranting goes on for the next 2 hours)  
  
Operator: We're sorry, please hang up and dial again.  
  
(Ranting continues and 6 minutes later)  
  
Operator: What the hell don't you understand about HANG UP?! Nobody's been on the other line for the past two hours! You are nothing but a waste of space and oxygen! Goodbye! *click* *dial tone*  
  
(I would suggest not staying on the phone past that first automated recording or the actual operator [maybe the machine] gets really nasty. Trust me)  
  
**end flashback**  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Not to my recollection.  
  
Jericho: [to Goddess of Malevolence] What do you mean?! I got cursed out by the freaking telephone operator because of you!  
  
Iccess: I'm busy.  
  
Jericho: What do you mean you're BUSY? With what?  
  
Iccess: I mean what I said. I said I'm busy jackass! [Turns off intercom]  
  
Jericho: [to Goddess of Malevolence] What am I supposed to do in a waiting room?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: It's a waiting room, hence the word "WAITING"  
  
Jericho: I'll go read a magazine now.  
  
2 hours later............................  
  
Jericho is down to his last magazines.  
  
Jericho: I don't get it. Justin Timberlake gets the front cover of Teen People. What does HE have that I don't?  
  
Iccess: [Over intercom] do you REALLY want me to answer that?  
  
Goddess: Besides, you've been on the cover Of WWE magazine 12 + times? (Don't know just guessing)  
  
Jericho: It's not the same! I'm in a rock band....... [Freeze frame]  
  
Adrian [comes from out of nowhere] Fozzy ROCKS! [Undoes freeze frame]  
  
Jericho: and he's in a BOYBAND!  
  
Iccess' door opens slightly and 5 voices say in unison.........  
  
Voices: We aren't a BOYBAND! [Calmly] We prefer to be called a vocal group.  
  
Door shuts.  
  
Jericho: [Looks around the corner] she's been in a meeting with a [whispers] boy band for the past 2 HOURS?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: No, just the past five minutes.  
  
Jericho: I've been waiting the past 2 and a half hours for a meeting and they get one in 5 minutes. When did they come in?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: While you were ever so engrossed in that article about yourself. There are rumors that she's working on a fic about them also.  
  
Jericho: And she has no time to write a decent fic about me but instead puts me in her humor fics. And what do you mean rumors.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Do you think she tells anyone anything? I didn't even know she had a private entrance until the NSYNC guys called.  
  
Jericho: She has a PRIVATE entrance?!  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: I've said too much already. [Goes back to typing]  
  
Jericho gets a little enraged looking at magazines with Justin Timberlake's picture on them. So, he decides to go to the coffee machine.  
  
1 hour or 15 large cups of coffee later.........................................  
  
Jericho: [Approaching front desk] Bathroom?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: [Now reading fics of some kind or another]  
  
Jericho: [starts to do the potty dance] Bathroom?!  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: [still reading]  
  
Jericho: [looks like he's going to explode and starts to ring the bell]  
  
2 minutes later....................  
  
Jericho is still ringing the bell.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Did you want something?  
  
Jericho: Bathroom?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: What's the magic word?  
  
Jericho: [in pain] please?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Good boy. [She hands Jericho the keys to the bathroom.] Consider it an act of mercy, though I don't think it'll help any.  
  
Jericho takes off running toward the bathroom.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
30 minutes later Jericho's back and wearing a different outfit.  
  
Jericho: Where's Iccess and the *air quotes* vocal group?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: They went to lunch. [Looks at Jericho] This reminds me of something said by a very wise man. [Clears throat] 'Friendship is like wetting your pants. Everyone can see it but only YOU can feel the warmth.  
  
Jericho: [turns red] don't tell me she went to lunch and left me here with Psycho wench.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: That's MISS Psycho wench to you ass clown.  
  
Jericho: SI!  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: SHUT UP!  
  
Jericho: I'm going to go crazy.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Too late.  
  
Jericho: I need to take a walk.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: While you're at it, take Mipsy and Juvenile Delinquent with you.  
  
Jericho: [sarcastically] sure why not? It beats being bossed around by a 14 year old.  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Wanna bet? [Whistles]  
  
Out walks Mipsy the vicious poodle and GM's horse Juvenile Delinquent.  
  
Jericho: You want me to walk Mipsy and a HORSE?  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Yes. May I ask what is wrong with that?  
  
Mipsy: [growl]  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Mipsy, sit.  
  
Mipsy: [sits]  
  
Jericho: I am NOT walking around with a HORSE.  
  
Juvenile Delinquent: [bucking]  
  
Goddess of Malevolence: Sit.  
  
Juvenile Delinquent: [sits. On Jericho's foot.]  
  
Jericho: [shouting obscenities]  
  
KaibaslilDevil comes and duct tapes Jericho's legs, arms, and most importantly his mouth.  
  
KaibaslilDevil: Welcome.  
  
*Bing!* the elevator stops and the boss comes out.  
  
Iccess: Hi all! [Stops] Jericho? You're still here? Well I'm about to go home and think about more story ideas. I can't meet with you until next spring. But here's a consolation prize.  
  
Iccess throws a t-shirt on Jericho that says on the front: Don't be an assclown. And on the back it says: LIKE ME!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
AN:// Sorry that took so long but as always I'm busy! So I hope you like part 1 of the waiting Room. In your review tell me who I should torture next. Also I'm replacing my secretary for KaibaslilDevil. Check out her fic My Constitution which I'm in! Warning: she adds on to the same doc. So skip previous writing until it says chapter 2, 3, etc. It's very funny! I should have a Triple H fic up soon this summer and more short humor. As far as this fic goes I have the writer's block virus and am stuck so give me suggestions. Thanks to Pharaoh of Malevolence again for being in my fic and I hope you're happy.  
  
Anyone wants to be in a future fic just write me in your review.  
  
I already have:  
  
Bannonluke (at the top of my list I promise) KaibaslilDevil Tabby Sonar  
  
READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!! -_- 


	2. Guess whose soul I own today!

"Voulez Vous" by the A-Teens is playing throughout the building.  Iccess is drinking a cup of coffee in the green room when Charlie walks in. 

Charlie: Hey Iccess what's up?

Iccess: Not much

Charlie: Are you in a good mood?

Iccess: Define good mood and I'll get back to you.

Charlie: Um, _thinks for a moment _Brilliant idea merging IA Empires with the radio station.

Iccess: That was a no brainier. I blew up the old place, needed somewhere else, my office is upstairs, and it's convenient.  Now what's wrong?

Charlie: Well your 5:00 is here.

Iccess: _checks watch_ Charlie its 4:30.

Charlie: I know.

Iccess: Who IS my 5:00?

Charlie: Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman.  

Iccess: _spits out coffee and jumps out of her chair_ WHAT?!  Ugh, I don't have time for this!

Charlie: You can't cancel the appointment.

Iccess: Not that, I think I got some Cappuccino on the keyboard! _Proceeds to blot the keyboard soaking up the wetness before it did any major damage._  Are you sure Al and Coach are in my appointment book?

_Charlie shows Iccess her appointment book_

Iccess: Geez, who books my appointments the damn monkey?! 

_Zoom to the main desk where said damn monkey, Mr. Chimp, is on the phone._

Jericho: Listen up Junior!  I've been trying to get an appointment with Irene for the past 5 months!

Mr. Chimp: _Laughs while banging the receiver on the desk._

Jericho: At least you're not as bad as the other chick.  Are you going to give the appointment or not?!

Mr. Chimp: _holds up sign saying '**I don't think so Blondie'**_

Jericho: Oh yeah?!  Don't make me come down there.

Mr. Chimp: _holds up another sign that says **'There's a little thing called a restraining order'** and the laughs even more._

Jericho: There are WAYS to get past restraining orders monkey.  And I heard I can sell you to Michael Jackson for literally a pretty penny.

Mr. Chimp: o_O -_- **_'You wouldn't dare'_**

****

Jericho: Or would I?  I wonder once you die what he'll stuff you with.

_Mr. Chimp puts Jericho on speaker, takes out a Chris Jericho doll and a pair of clippers and turns it them on.  Then he begins laughing as he shaves **ALL** of the __Jericho__ doll's hair off.  Very loud screaming is heard on the other end. He laughs and hangs up the phone._

*_Zoom back to the Green Room* _

Iccess: _Hands Charlie $5_ You REALLY let a monkey answer the phone? 

Charlie: What? He came cheap.

Iccess: Then you can give me the money that you save on an assistant?

Charlie: _Clutches the 5 dollars in his hands._

Iccess: Tightwad.  It's either that or your soul.

Charlie: _thinks for a second. _Where do I sign?

Iccess: I'll have the papers drawn up. In the mean time send them in.  This better be good.

_5 milliseconds later Al and Coach barge in......._

Al: We heard you were looking for announcers for your new Wrestling Recap radio show.

Iccess: o_O who in the blue hell told you idiots that?

Coach: It was on the flyer.

Iccess: FLYER?  What flyer?

_Coach hands her the hot pink flyer_

Iccess: Who wrote this?!

Charlie: _looks around guiltily _I'll be leaving now.

Iccess: NOT so fast!  You did it?

Mr. Chimp: **_'gee what was your first clue?'_**

Charlie: April Fools

Iccess: That's six months from now.

Charlie: Happy Halloween!

Iccess: You're 29 days early.  

_KaibaslilDevil walks in_

KaibaslilDevil: Hey Iccess, hey Charlie!

Mr. Chimp: **_'Here's the contract'_**_ hands Iccess the contract that Charlie signed._

_Iccess hands KaibaslilDevil the contract_

Iccess: Here, happy unseasonable holiday.  You can have Charlie's soul.  I don't want it anymore.  If anyone needs me I'll be finding Jericho and tape him to a giant joy buzzer.  Remote control operated too!  Come on Mr. Chimp.

_Iccess and Mr. Chimp leave the office leaving KLd and Charlie._

KLD: So, I own your soul?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I haven't written for this in a while but I was bored and well I can't find the bannonluke chapter which I wrote months ago but I've searched everywhere. I'll find it......eventually.  Mary-sue will be updated as soon as a get a spare minute and a pint of lukewarm inspiration.  Everything else should be up to speed.  And the Triple H chapter of Slayerettes Den is also in the works.  I need sleep.


End file.
